I don't remember
when I started calling
myself a writer, but
I do remember that
the first time my
father explained who the
Holy Spirit is, I
wrote in my journal
that I'd just realized
that I could witness
through my writing. I always
wanted to make the
world a better place,
and I always wanted
to write stories. That night
was the first time
I realized it was
possible to do
both at once. I don't
think it was a
coincidence that I
came to that conclusion
the same night I
was introduced to the
Holy Spirit. I think the
minute there was a
crack open in my
mind for God to
speak directly to me,
that was what He
most wanted to say.
After a few
years of writing out
of my pain, I
came to God and
asked if there was
anything else I
could do. I didn't like
writing everything
so dark anymore, and
every time I tried
to write about happy
things, it came
out pale and shallow. God spoke
to me then and
told me to write
about the light reflected
off dark waters. He said
that if I kept
writing about just
the depth and darkness
of the waters, I'd
drown my reader and
they'd die. If I tried
to write about the
pure light of the
sun, I'd blind my
reader and they'd go
away empty. The trick is
to write about where
the two elements meet,
where the despair of
a broken world is
met by the beauty
of God's grace.
Later, when I was working on a new
novel, I was feeling tired and discouraged. During worship at my small group, I
felt God come and
tell me that the
story I was writing
was very beautiful. I was
so overwhelmed at
God's generosity at that
moment, because I
would have kept working
even without that word.
God chose to encourage
me because he cares
about the state of
my soul, not just
the work I can
do.
On a different project, I was
working on a
very complex plot that
intertwined seven different
characters. I needed all
the characters to meet
each other at different
points in the book,
and I couldn't get
them to end up
in the same spot. The ideas
I had of how
to do it were
so obvious and clunky, and I
wanted it to feel natural and elegant. As I
was trying to convince
myself to write the
first few words, God
came to me and
said, “It's okay if
it's contrived at first. You can
fix it later.” The idea that
it was okay if
it didn't work the
first time allowed me
to start. Four drafts
later, the meetings are
as natural as water
and effortless to write. God told
me that he had
confidence in my
ability to make
it right, which gave me the confidence
to make it at
all.
A couple years
after that, I was
having a very low
moment. After being told and
believing that I'd finally gotten my big break, months later it turned out that
nothing had really happened. My hopes
were crushed, and I was going to have start from scratch. God found me in my car at a gas station,
shoveling peanut butter ice cream in my mouth. “I see you're
upset,” He said. I
told him my greatest
fear, now crystallized
before me. “I'm afraid the
work just isn't very
good,” I confessed. “I feel
like if it was
good someone would have
picked it up by
now.” God
told me that he
thought the novel
was good, and I
smiled my nice-girl
smile. “I
know, but isn't that
a little like my
grandma saying it's
good? Don't
you have to like
what I do because
you're God and stuff?” Now, I
might have been being
a bit flippant because
I really was down
in the dumps, but
I heard God's reply
very clear and strong. “No. I am
the one who gets
to say what's good. I made
the sun and said
it was good, and
I say that book
is good.”
About the Author:
Martinez Catlin is an author and poet who is committed to inspiring compassion through the written word. Her work has enhanced the efforts of A Minnesota Without Poverty, Breaking Free, Source Ministries, Justice4All, and A Beautiful Rescue. She graduated from the University of Minnesota in 2008 with a degree in English Literature. The Other Side of Silence is her first novel. She currently lives in Minneapolis with a very cute husband and a German shepherd.
Check out her website, buy her now-published novel, and watch some of her performances.
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