College and parents

Autumn brings with it the end of a season. For some parents, that involves dropping their child off at college.

Author John Eldredge recently shared in a letter what it has been like to drop his boys off at college:

Luke, our youngest, is heading off to college. Stasi (John's wife) would tell you that dropping Sam and Blaine off for their freshman years, and driving away, were two of the hardest things we have ever done. This year Stasi and I will drop Luke off and return this time to an empty house, where laughter and rowdiness and wrestling matches and family dinners have prevailed for many years. A beautiful season is drawing to a close.

Knowing this, in his immense kindness, Jesus gave our family a really sweet gift in July. You might recall from reading our books that the Tetons in Wyoming have been a special place for us over the years. We started camping there annually 15 summers ago, when Luke was four. It is a place filled with memory and tradition. I didn't think we could get there this year, but during a morning prayer walk in June Jesus said, Go to the Tetons. So we did, and it was very sweet.

Fifteen years ago we picnicked at a place along Cottonwood Creek. The boys - then 4, 6 and 8 - ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and played in the stream. For some reason we've never been back to that spot in all our years of adventuring there. Not till two weeks ago, when we found ourselves picnicking along the same creek. Our sons, now young men - 19, 21 and 23 - were laughing, telling stories of their adventures, talking about girls and marriage (!) and it was as poignant and transcendent as a moment can get. Time stood still. Stasi and I looked at each other and smiled. Remember?

As our trip drew to a close, Sam headed back to his life in California and Blaine left early for a class he needed. We could feel the chill of the coming fall when our family will no longer be the same. As you can imagine, I was pretty tender and very ready for tears; feelings of sorrow and loss were beginning to break my heart. It felt quite natural, and appropriate. Then came a great surprise.

I paused and asked Jesus, How do you want me to be looking at this Lord? He replied, This is a good season in your life John; you are not losing your family at all; your family is growing, maturing and it is a blessed time. In a moment my entire state of being changed. Where I was ready for days of downheartedness and embracing loss as the fundamental truth of life, Jesus rescued me. Simply because I asked, How do you want me to be looking at this Lord?

What an excellent reminder to go to the Lord with everything. Even though my son is only (!) 11 years old, I'm sure that I will be teary-eyed once he goes off to college.

Finding our true father

Earthly fathers can let us down. Our true father, however, always is there for us. Take a look at this story from p. 63 of "The Good and Beautiful God" by James Bryan Smith:

I met a pastor from England whose own story beautifully illustrates what it means to trust God as our Father. I asked Carl how he came to be a Christian. He said that when we was growing up he seldom went to church. He was very close with his dad, though. When he was 14, his father died in a tragic accident at work, which completely shattered Carl's life. To numb his pain, he started getting into a lot of fights at school and soon was abusing alcohol. But nothing seemed to work.

When Carl was 17 a friend invited him to what Carl thought was a party, complete with binge drinking, so he agreed. It was actually a 'Christian house party,' which is common in England and is more like a retreat. People go to a big home and hang out for a few days of conversation, worship and recreation. When he found out, it was too late to turn back. After the first two days he still felt bitter toward God. But during a time of worship on the final day, Sunday morning, he heard a distinct voice that said, 'I am your Father. Come to me.' Carl said he immediately began to sob, and for the first time since his father died his heart began to heal.

Thanks to that house party, Carl found his true father -- and has helped others to find the true father as well.

Dealing with the death of a child

In "The Good and Beautiful God," author James Bryan Smith shares his reflections on his daughter Madeline's death:

My mind went over the last few years, thinking about the pain of hearing the news from the doctors, the countless sleepless nights on hospital floors, and the dark and rainy day we placed her body in the earth. I turned to God and said, without thinking, 'Maybe it would have been better if she had never been born.'

That was when I received one of the clearest experiences of God responding to me that I've ever had in my life. On this day, at that moment, a little voice penetrated my mind, the voice of a little girl, a voice I had never heard but immediately recognized as Madeline's. 'Daddy, you should never say that. If I had never been born, I would not be here now. I am so happy here in heaven, and one day you and Mom and Jacob will come and see me, and we will live forever together. And there is more good that has happened because of me that you can't see now but will one day understand.'

I immediately repented of my despicable thoughts and crumpled to the ground in tears. I was thankful to hear such words.

There is always the promise of heaven.