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| John Brian Becker |
John Brian Becker Eulogy – February 11, 2011
Hi. My name is Brant Skogrand, and I’m a brother-in-law of John Brian. More specifically, I’m married to his sister Patty, also known as "five of nine." Today I’m going to share stories about John Brian from his parents, siblings and a couple of in-laws. You’ll hear in their own words their favorite memories of John Brian, how he touched people’s lives and more. While you’ll hear how missed he is, you’ll also realize that this is a celebration of his rich life.
LEONARD AUSTIN, JOHN BRIAN’S BROTHER-IN-LAW: One of my memories of John was how good of a host he was. When we traveled to Europe to visit John and Jason it felt like he dropped everything to meet us at airports, help us around town, participate in kid-oriented events like time at the park, and help us navigate the train system.
I will always remember watching John, Jason, Susan and the kids painting pictures on the floor of their apartment in Groningen.
I will always remember watching John, Jason, Susan and the kids painting pictures on the floor of their apartment in Groningen.
JENNIFER PROBST, JOHN BRIAN’S SISTER-IN-LAW: John Brian was wonderful at making me feel that I was part of the Becker family. He and Jason literally gave Tom and me a home for a year when we moved back to Minneapolis. Sharing the daily rhythms of life with them allowed us to know him and feel a part of JB's life in a special way that we both value greatly.
ME/BRANT SKOGRAND: For me, I always appreciated John Brian’s sense of artistry. When he directed the Minnesota Fringe Festival play “Will the Real Superman Please Stand Up?” he let me audition for a role. Now most people don’t think of “fringe” when they look at me, but John Brian was open to giving me a shot. I didn’t get the part, though.
TOM BECKER, JOHN BRIAN’S BROTHER: In thinking about how John Brian influenced me, he was a tangible example for me that a person could fall outside the norms and expectations set for them by society and yet be tremendously virtuous. More than that, he showed me that often it is the very act of refusing to submit to the yoke of convention that marks the virtuous person. He was a living testament that honesty with others, but even more importantly with oneself, is worth striving and fighting for. The courageous honesty he embodied is fundamental in how I try to live and so I'll be able to carry that part of him with me always.
JULIE BECKER TOTO, JOHN BRIAN’S SISTER: JB was wise beyond his years. He built people up. He brought people together to enjoy life. We had our share of sibling rivalry... I wanted "Sesame Street," he wanted "Woody Woodpecker." I wanted to tag along with JB and the older neighborhood kids. He didn't want his sister coming along to ruin his adventures and threaten, "I'm telling Mom.”
There was a pivotal moment for us that changed our relationship forever. I was 11. JB was 13. He explained he was sorry for all the times he teased and excluded me. He said he wanted to start fresh and be friends. I believe I skeptically replied, "Do you need money?"
He spent the next 22 years proving his sincerity. I was an insecure, awkward preteen with zits and hair that was never quite big enough, but JB didn't seem to notice. He complimented me on my talents, encouraged me to try new things, made time to know my friends and told me that I was beautiful. He built my self-esteem at a time when I needed it the most.
BRENDA GERARD, JOHN BRIAN’S SISTER: I always enjoyed talking food and gardening with John. Once I mentioned how I wished I could make sushi at home; and so a couple days later he hosted a sushi making gathering and taught me how to make my own sushi.
John was also a great gardener. Last summer, John gave me six strawberry plants from his ever-spreading patch. I planted them in my garden, and by last fall they had spread into many more plants. This spring they should produce lots of sweet red strawberries. I'm sure I will be thinking of you, John, each time I pick one of those strawberries.
PATTY SKOGRAND, JOHN BRIAN’S SISTER: John was fun and encouraging. One summer, when he was in high school and I was home from college, he helped me learn how to do a front flip on the trampoline.
I was very fearful of getting the height and throwing my body forward and upside down, but I really wanted to be able to do it. John was patient and encouraging and wanted me to be able to succeed. He spent the time that was necessary to help me achieve something that I wanted.
Even in the last months of his life, when I visited he was strong and loving and caring enough to let me grieve and cry. He said, “You don’t have to protect me from your feelings. It’s okay to be sad.” I remember how beautiful he was inside and out.
DIANN BRASSEUR, JOHN BRIAN’S SISTER: After John was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma, I was intentional about getting together with him more. I wanted to get to know my brother better and just show him love. We had many long, good conversations about all kinds of things.
One time John said to me, "I hate this cancer, but if it weren't for the cancer, I don't think we would be spending this time together and growing closer to one another." I agreed. I will always cherish these last three years with John, and hope that my love for him was a reflection of God's love for him. I love you John and I will miss you.
LYNDA HURT, JOHN BRIAN’S SISTER: Although he was my little brother, I want to thank John for all the things HE taught ME:
- To appreciate good dark chocolate and spinach pizzas,
- To embrace the diversity in the world instead of fear it,
- To communicate to family and friends that you love and appreciate them,
- And how to live and die with dignity.
John, I will miss you and love you forever, Lynda.
SUSAN AUSTIN, JOHN BRIAN’S SISTER: One of my first memories of John Brian is rocking him and sitting with him, holding him when he was a baby. Recently, I was caring for him again – it was déjà vu.
One of the days when I visited him recently, I had been up all night. When I came downstairs in the morning, there were six girls around. John Brian grew up with a bunch of girls, and it just hit me – he was surrounded by women again that loved him. He really loved people.
I also remember how, when John Brian was a teenager, I would take him with me on some road trips. I took him with on a trip to Milwaukee and Chicago. He said, “That was the first time I realized we could get in a car and be somewhere in four hours.” It really was an awakening for him.
FROM BARB BLACK, JOHN BRIAN’S SISTER: John was determined and strong and tender at the same time. Definitely a free spirit. When we went to Chicago, he had to go back a couple of days later. I said, “John, don’t you think that you should book a flight?” He said, “Barb, the problem with you is that you don’t live in the moment.” He really enjoyed doing what he was doing when he was doing it.
He could be prickly, and he was so darn stubborn. He was so resistant to any talk of God, but was OK with me praying over him. One time recently when I was at his house praying over him, mom saw a big tear running down his face, so somewhere in there was God’s love.
FROM OLIVER BECKER, JOHN BRIAN’S FATHER: John was my guardian angel after my hunting accident in 2004. He was my voice when I could not talk, he was my advocate for all my needs. John came back from Philadelphia to sit by my side in the hospital for 40 days. There is no better feeling than to awake from an induced sleep and see someone you love that cares about you sitting by your side and wanting to help you with your every need. I will love you and miss you forever my son.
FROM ELOISE BECKER, JOHN BRIAN’S MOTHER: I loved John even before he was born. I lost my grandfather named John about four months before John was born and at that point his dad and I started calling the baby John-John. The day he was born a huge rainbow appeared in the eastern sky. Barbara captured it in a photo. John taught us many things with his view of life. I remember shortly after he was diagnosed with cancer someone he knew came up to him and said, “John I heard you have cancer, is it terminal?” He thought just a moment and said, “Aren’t we all?”
I know that everyone that knew him has stories they could tell about John and why they loved him. I thank God for lending him to us for 35 years, and I ask God to give him His Eternal Rest.
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