Outside the Inner Ring

A friend of mine from my Heart of a Warrior group shared with me a speech that C.S. Lewis gave in 1944 as the Memorial Lecture at King's College, University of London. The speech was called "The Inner Ring", and it described the need of humans to belong.

In his speech, Lewis mentioned that "the passion for the Inner Ring is most skillful in making a man who is not yet a very bad man do very bad things."

He also said that "the quest of the Inner Ring will break your hearts unless you break it."

Then it dawned on me. Growing up, I was not part of my stepdad's Inner Ring in my family of origin. It hurt not to be included with my stepdad, mom and half brothers. As a result, I have tried all of my life to be part of my family of origin's Inner Ring.

That quest has caused me to do things that I'm not proud of, specifically rejecting my dad, wife and son because my stepdad's Inner Ring did not approve of or include them. How shameful and hurtful to my family.

The quest to be a part of my stepdad's Inner Ring has broken my heart and others. I'm giving up that quest.